Dear IAWYT Readers

Dear IAWYT Readers,

I am writing you today to tell you about why I've been absent as of late. I realize I've neglected my letter writing duties over the past week or two, but did want to let you know that I still fully intend on keeping this thing going for a long time to come. In fact, today I received another reply that I need to toss up on here, but it may have to wait to be posted. Unless I can find a scanner.

What had happened was... I quit my stable and well-paying job of seven years, am in the process of packing up all of my belongings into my mid-sized compact sedan car (if it doesn't fit, I'm not takin' it... also, thanks to Wikipedia for clarifying the difference between mid-sized and compact. I feel like less of a man now... jerks...), and will be driving cross-country within the next week to a medium sized southern city in hopes of pursuing matters of the heart.

I hope to be back with some new letters come December, once I've established a new mailing address. I'm afraid of some replies getting lost in the shuffle due to a move of this magnitude, but whatever losses are incurred I hope to make up for in the coming months.

Please accept my apologies, and I hope you stick around to see where this thing will go. Just, give me a few weeks to get myself situated. I hope the enclosed photo depicting how a city boy makes indoor campfire marshmallows while doing his Statistics homework is a kind enough gesture to prove his intent. Thank you for your understanding.

Much respect,

Daniel

Dear Jo-Ann Fabric & Crafts

Dear Jo-Ann Fabric and Crafts,

I am writing you today for a couple different reasons. A little background info about me, I am a 28 year old male, and I just recently took up the hobby of knitting. I am rather manly. I ride motorcycles and I smoke cigars, and I have facial hair. Except for my mustache... I have a hard time growing one of those. I'm not sure why. I think it has something to do with my the genes I got from my mom.

I like making passionate, often tender, but sometimes aggressive love to a woman. I like to think that knitting makes me more sensitive to a woman's needs and wants, and that it also helps me to productively bide my time while doing other manly things like listening to football on the radio, and watching my TV shows like MMA fighting and sometimes Grey's Anatomy. Sometimes.

I started off by grabbing a thing of knitting needles, Clover brand No. 7 bamboo, and a thing of yarn, Sensations CUDDLE, that I think is your store brand. Looking at the back of the label on the yarn were all these codes. I was able to recognize the box that had knitting needles, and going across the top was a single digit number that I guessed represents the No. needle I should use, and the diameter (or is it circumference?) of that same needle. But going down the side was 4"x4", on the right was a 30R, and on the bottom was a 22STS. It's a bundle of 370 meters of yarn, and I'm sure that no matter how you put it together, you'll get something larger than a 4" x 4" square. I thought that maybe if you do 30 Rows of 22 Stitches, you'd get a 4" x 4" square... but, that doesn't seem right either. Can you help me with what these codes mean?

And the only other thing I have to mention is that your lines at the cashier can get quite lengthy. I'm not sure why it takes so long to turnaround customers, I thought maybe it had something to do with the custom cut fabrics having to be rang through in a special way, but I wonder if there's a way to speed this up. 2 out of the 3 trips I've made to Jo-Ann's so far has resulted in me waiting in line for between 6 and 8 minutes. That just seems a smidge long to me. Any help in addressing that would be much appreciated.

I enjoy your stores, and thank you in advance for helping me better understand what these codes mean. Keep up the good work!

I am a man,

Daniel

Reply - U. S. Geological Survey

I received a reply today.

---

Click here to read my original letter to the U. S. Geological Survey from October 22, 2010.

---

The reply:




Excellent reply back from Michael Blanpied there... as he mentioned, I did neglect to include the printout of the maps I posted on my initial post. I realized this as soon as I dropped the letter in the mailbox. I left it laying facedown on my desk, but opted to not send out a second letter. I figured he knew what I was talking about, and sure enough he did.

I wasn't aware that all earthquakes start out the same... that supports the idea that it's pretty much impossible to predict the magnitude of a quake. He does say there are early warning systems in place in a few locations, although it sounds like California has yet to secure the financial backing to deploy one here.

Basically, Michael gave me some great resources to work with. Click here for a copy of the article from the journal Seismological Research Letters that he included.

The office building where I work, my office is not on the ground floor. I don't have easy access to the outside, either. There are large metal beams holding this structure up, and nails sticking out of the underside of the floorboards all over the place. I've been in this building when an earthquake has hit, and it was unnerving to say the least. My boss, an older gentlemen of small stature that doesn't move very quickly at all, hurdled over his desk and sprinted out of his office door, and down the stairs with lightning speed. I was pretty much right behind him, and all I could imagine was the beams collapsing, the staircase crushing us, and it all being finalized as the floorboards from upstairs came crashing down, nails piercing our twitching bodies.

Ungh. I think about this every time I go into and out of work.

Very informative reply. Thanks, USGS!

Dear U. S. Treasury

Dear U. S. Treasury,

I am writing you today to share some concerns I have about the production of your coined currency. I've been reading up some on the work that goes into the manufacturing of pennies and nickels, and have learned that the current production and shipping cost of both the 1¢ and 5¢ coins exceeds their declared value by a fair amount. Each penny costs the taxpayers somewhere around $0.0167, and a nickel is costing us $0.0953 per.

Reading a bit further, I'm finding that the value of the metal that comprises a nickel is actually worth closer to $0.06, which makes me think that the buying up of your 5¢ piece is a surefire investment plan... although I discovered that back in 2007, the U. S. Mint enacted a rule that criminalizes the melting down and export of the metal used that comprises my coins, resulting in a fine of up to $250,000 and/or 5 years imprisonment.

I may not be a math genius and I may not be the most financially responsible person out there, but continuing the production and distribution of these coins on the scale that you do seems to be a very poor game plan by our government, and a poor use of our Tax Dollars. Maybe having higher production costs than the declared value isn't as big an issue since the coin can be used many times over, but knowing that the 37 nickels I have on my desk right now has a U. S. Mint value of $1.85, but to a Metallurgist the value increases to $2.22... well, I feel like you just cheated me out of 20% by using the fear of law.

I'd like it if you can justify this loss of value to me somehow.

With anticipation,

Daniel

Dear AMC Theaters

Dear AMC Theaters,

I am writing you today to tell you about a serious audio quality problem at your AMC Theaters located in La Jolla, California. While this location isn't really all that clean or up to date by modern day standards, I find that I still prefer this location due to the friendliness of the staff, the $6 morning ticket sale, and the temperature of the individual theaters themselves.

I noticed a couple weeks ago as I was viewing a movie in theater 3, I believe, that there was a constant buzzing coming from the left side of the room. It started up during the trailers, and did not go away until the movie was over. Thankfully, I was able to block it out for the majority of the movie, but it did draw away from the experience some.

Just two mornings ago, it happened again only this time with a different theater number. I'm not sure why this is happening, but it might be a good idea to do a tune up on your audio sound system at this location. It really distracts from what would otherwise be a higher quality film going experience.

I appreciate the time you've taken to read this letter.

Sincerely,

Daniel

Dear Hot Pockets

Dear Hot Pockets,

I am writing you today to share my thoughts on your crisping sleeve that comes included with every individually wrapped Hot Pockets when I buy them by the boxful at the store. My favorite is the Ham and Cheese. I had some mixed and occasionally painful experiences. Please, read on.

While I agree that microwaving a Hot Pocket in the crisping sleeve causes the crust to take on a crispier texture, the sleeve itself ends up creating a puzzle of sorts that mostly just ticks me off.

The filling always ends up squirting out of one end of the Hot Pocket, burning and adhering to the paper sleeve, making it next to impossible to remove the sleeve without in some way tearing or grasping or poking the Hot Pocket itself, causing even more of the fiery hot contents to spill out and sometimes burn my hand. I have to ask, why even use a sleeve? I have my doubts that people sit around and think to themselves, "Damn, this is one crispy Hot Pocket..."

And so, I decided that it is both safer and easier to manage the cooking and eating of a Hot Pocket without the use of your crisping sleeve. I'm not sure who came up with it exactly, but I'm pretty sure it was thought up by someone at your organization that was trying to find some sort of justification for their position. I'd guess, someone in your marketing department. They may have fooled you, but they will not fool me.

It is a delicious mass produced snack product that you make. I like to buy a box or two each month and keep them in the freezer for a quick meal on the weekends. Thanks for taking the time to read this letter.

Kind regards,

Daniel

Dear Bed Bath & Beyond

Dear Bed Bath & Beyond,

I am writing you today because I'd like to tell you about the worst can opener I've ever owned. A year ago, I relocated into a new studio in San Diego and needed to replace some of my kitchen items that had gone missing after the move was wrapped up. The first and most important item that was needing replacing was my hand-operated can opener, circa 1975. What happened is that I threw the old one away as it was rusted looking, and was the last remnant hand-me-down from Grandma that required about 50 lbs of torque force to get the crank to turn.

I made plans to swing by Bed Bath & Beyond my first night of living in my studio so as to scoop up a handful of household items to get me through my first week. On the wall located just to my right as I entered your Mission Valley store was a hoard of no-name brand gadgets and gizmos that I shoveled into my cart at breakneck speed. Little scrubby do-dads and whizzy-wigs.

This can opener was plain. It had a black plastic handle grip, and a stainless steel mechanism construction with a solid looking handle. It spun freely and cleanly, and believe me... I ate the best can of Spaghetti-O's that night, thanks to this can opener.

Unfortunately, it lasted me maybe only 35 cans. I'm not quite sure where it went wrong, but I couldn't get it to line up to where it'd solidly grip the lip of whatever can I was opening. It would spin the can around, but the blade would only pierce the lid for a half-inch before dislodging. I've dealt with this over the past year for two reasons; 1. I'm stubborn and 2. I lost the receipt.

Last night was the last straw. I flipped a can of tuna as I was trying to manipulate the can opener to get to the goods. Tuna juice (which is probably the worst kind of juice) went everywhere. In a studio, it's hard to get some quality aeration going on, and so I woke up to the smell of tuna this morning.

I'm not sure what sort of QA goes on at Bed Bath & Beyond, but it seems that man should have perfected the can opener by this day and age. Just saying. Anyhow, I appreciate your attention to this matter.

Be well,

Daniel