Dear American Scientific Glassblowers Society

Dear American Scientific Glassblowers Society,

I am writing you today to see if you could answer a question for me that I've had difficulty in getting answered. Recently, my girlfriend and I took an introductory course in artistic glassblowing at a private studio used by a couple local artists. I recognize that artistic glassblowing may be different from scientific glassblowing, but thought your group would be all the more wiser as to the technical side of working with this material. I was absolutely enthralled with being able to handle molten glass and to transform it into something beautiful, but was freaked out about possibly burning the flesh right off of my bones.

They told us in advance to not wear anything synthetic, as it could melt to our skin... and were also warned that it could potentially melt my contact lenses to my corneas. That right there was almost enough to make me ditch class, but I opted to continue with it.

The heat from the crucible was somewhere in the neighborhood of 2300° Fahrenheit. Standing only ten feet away from it when it was first opened, it felt like someone pressed my face into a barbecue full of glowing red charcoals. It was all sorts of awesome. When it was finally my turn to take my first gather from the vat of molten glass, the moment the lid was lifted from the crucible was only what I could imagine being set on fire might feel like. Even though it was only about a quarter the temperature of the surface of the Sun, I now understood what they meant about the whole "contacts will melt to your eyeballs" warning.

We asked about what would happen should a piece of this quick-running white-hot glass get on our skin. They said it'd likely fall off as soon as it touched us, but didn't really get into the physics behind the damage it might cause. I've seen guys with some glassblowing wounds before... this one guy out in California who would make large fluted vases and he had these horizontal scars on his shins where he'd accidentally slice himself as he swung the vase towards the ground on the blowpipe.

Does it basically cook your flesh and then blister? Or does it act as a sort of corrosive and eat away at anything in its way? What would be the best way to react in a situation were you to get some molten glass on your person? We were trying to debate in the car on the drive home on if we'd go for one of the buckets of water nearby, or if we'd risk batting it off with our hands. It seems to be a fail-fail all around. Any thoughts you have on glassblowing injuries, we'd be curious to hear about them.

Thanks for all your help in the matter.

Daniel

Dear Dreamfields Foods

Dear Dreamfields Foods,

I am writing you today to inquire about your low carbohydrate pasta products. While I personally do nothing to monitor my intake of carbs, I do have a young step-sister that has been diagnosed with juvenile diabetes, along with some acquaintances that have a child or two of their own with the same affliction. I wouldn't consider myself an activist, but have recently started to think more about how drastically their lives are changed because of how they have to monitor every last thing that they eat.

That said, I've heard that your company makes large claims about the benefits of your foods for those suffering from diabetes. A serving of typical pasta seems to pull down about 40 grams of carbs, where your claim is that a serving of Dreamfields pasta is in the realm of 5 grams. You seem to have coined this terminology of "protected carbohydrates", but when I look at your nutrition label on the box, its saying you've got 41 grams per serving...

I found on your website that you're able to shield the majority of carbs past the digestion process by creating a protective barrier using only fiber and protein, which I don't quite understand. Wouldn't the process of merely cooking it cause this magical barrier to disintegrate?

Mostly, I'm interested in finding some supporting data from your team on the test results where you were able to block out the 30+ grams of carbs from being taken up by the body. There are some doctors and diabetics alike that have said your product is unfounded. How did you test to achieve these numbers? Are you continuing to develop the science behind this carb blockage thing? Any info you can provide would be much appreciated.

Thank you kindly.

Daniel

Dear Stir Fry Cafe

Dear Stir Fry Cafe,

I am writing you today to share about my recent experience at your fine dining establishment. What had happened was, my lady friend asked me if I'd like to join her for an impromptu lunch date. Not being able to come up with a joint to recommend myself, she asked if I'd be game for joining her at your place as she is a personal fan and frequently studies there during breaks. I've only eaten there one other time, and thought it was pretty good. I like the layout, and the artistic atmosphere is quite welcoming. It screams sophistication, never mind the fact that it is located in a strip mall. Yours is a gem in the rough.

Arriving just prior to 12:45pm, I sat down and found a table tent located on the condiment tray that was used to house the various sugar packets, extra chop sticks and the soy sauce. It read, "Half Price Sushi Every Wednesday & Saturday." You can view a photo of this advertisment here: http://i.imgur.com/7swoA.jpg.


That was my queue to order up a storm, and so I ordered the Stir Fry Roll, and a couple sets of nigiri pieces, while the lady ordered an eel roll. Between the lot of us, we shared a few beers as well.

And so we dined on sushi and beer until we were full, at which point the server brought us our check. And let me say, we were both surprised to find that it totaled out to nearly $50 for our lunch. We studied the check to find that we were charged full price on the sushi (my roll costing nearly $12), and then glanced back over at the advertisement sitting on our table... I lifted it up and out of the compartment that it sat in on the condiment tray to find that there was a small banner at the very bottom which read something along the lines of "After 4pm."

Sly. Very, very sly. Had there been an asterisk somewhere within view, I would've lifted up the entire ad to see what the stipulation was. Flat out, I feel cheated. Not just because of the hidden terms, but also because there isn't anything on your sushi menu that should cost nearly $12. Hailing from a coastal town, I've had quality sushi... and yours is merely average. Maybe it costs more because you have to get it transported inland, but I'd never ordinarily pay anything over $10 for even the best prepared sushi.

That said, I do appreciate the friendliness of your server and the cleanliness of your restaurant. I do hope to visit again if my lady friend wishes my company, but will carry with me the thought of this somewhat negative experience.

Sincerely,

Daniel

Reply - Dick's Sporting Goods

A reply from DICK'S Sporting Goods...

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Click here to read my original letter to DICK'S Sporting Goods from December 16, 2010.

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The reply:

Gotta love the form letter approach... I still don't quite understand why they even bother wasting the forty-four cents on postage for these things.

I see a couple things here... first, that Mary Jo and I are on a first name basis. Second, that the DICK in DICK'S Sporting Goods is all capitalized. Not that I'm implying anything with that or anything. It's just when you use phrases like "ensure our customer's satisfaction", "truly appreciate your time" and "value your patronage" all in the same letter, and neglect to sign the damn thing, it kind of strikes me as contradicting.

I'm still betting that if I walk into this location and try to browse their dart selection, not a thing would be changed. Come to mention it, the darts I had pictured with the original letter that I wrote to DICK'S is of a set I snagged from Sears... and it probably would retail at DICK'S for closer to $45 as opposed to the $8 I spent at Sears.

Ah well, you can't win them all.

Reply - Sharp Electronics

Another letter, this time from Sharp.

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Click here to read my original letter to Sharp Electronics from December 29, 2010.

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Their reply:


Now that is all sorts of classy right there... it seems that the manual for the particular typewriter I bought is extinct, but Donna Rice at Sharp sent me a 90-page copy of one for the PA-3140, nicely bound in a red folder with a clear glossy cover. I'm not sure of the age of the typewriter I've got, but there's a date on the inside of this manual indicating it could be from the 1980's.

There is some excellent info in the manual, too. I'll be putting this to use when I go to type up my next letter.

Reply - Binaca

A continuation of some replies that I received over the past week and a half.

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Click here to read my original letter to Binaca from January 2, 2011.

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Their reply:


I like it. The parent company for Binaca is called Dr. Fresh Inc, and I think they're a fairly small setup in terms of how many companies they do business with. They do sell direct, which I can always respect, and they didn't even have any specialized letterhead... but they did take the time to respond to my letter which goes a long way with me. I'd say this is a good response. Perhaps I'll invest in a case of their breath freshener...

Reply - Comcast

I received a few replies today... here's the first.

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Click here to read my letter to Comcast from December 1, 2010.

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The reply:


To the credit of Comcast, this guy did try calling me a few times after he looked my account up. I didn't answer as I didn't recognize the number, but was invited over voicemail to call back to discuss my issues... even though I didn't have much more to discuss. It was merely a letter of venting, explaining what my frustrations were. I wanted to make them aware of what hoops I had to jump through.

But. This letter is lame. It says if they don't hear from me by 1/7, they'd consider my issue "resolved"... although the issue I have is actually their issue.

And what date did they actually get around to dropping the letter in the mail? 1/10. I received it today, 1/13. The letter was sent after their cutoff date for considering it resolved. Glad to see they can chalk this one up to a successful resolution because they're slow at droppin' things in the mail. Good job, Comcast...

Mmmmm, corporate America.

Dear US Ambassador to Thailand, Kristie Kenney

Dear US Ambassador to Thailand, Kristie Kenney,

I am writing you today to see if you can assist me with something in regards to etiquette when eating Thai food. Being from Knoxville, our sources for all things Asian are rather limited, and the office of Ambassador to Thailand was the first point of contact to pop into my head as a solid resource for things of this nature.

My lady friend and I have recently taken to trying out some more Asian oriented dishes in both our home cooking and when dining out. There's a local restaurant here called "Taste of Thai" that we dined at on our last date night, her getting the drunken noodles, me getting the green curry chicken and the two of us splitting an order of tiger-cry. As dinner was winding down, though, we started to discuss what we thought was the proper way to eat the rice that usually accompanies my green curry dish.

The two times I've ordered this dish, from two different restaurants, they've brought out the main dish and then a decent sized side portion of jasmine rice. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to eat the two separate, mix the rice into the curry, or mix the curry into the rice. Can you provide us some guidance on this procedure?

Thanks in advance, Ambassador, for your reply, and also for all that you do. I hope you are doing well.

Warmly,

Daniel

Reply - Home Depot

I received a reply.

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Click here to read my original letter to Home Depot from December 3, 2010.

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Their reply:


I'm a little disappointed with this one, as they say they were unsuccessful in contacting me as they only had my address. Yet I find that a letter sent to an address is indeed a good way to make contact and confront issues such as the one I brought up with them.

I don't really have any open concerns with them, and just wanted to let them know that they didn't put that much effort in trying to help me out with my search for a laminate. That said, I do appreciate the apology though. The signature on this thing is legit, so I'll consider this a genuine letter.

Dear Kroger

Dear Kroger,

I am writing you today to share some recent frustrations I've had while shopping at your grocery store located at 6702 Clinton Highway in Knoxville, TN. First off, I must tell you that I hail most recently from California where we have some comparable stores, such as Vons and Albertsons, although nothing under the Kroger brand that I'm aware of. That said, I've found some serious challenges in regards to the consistency of customer service between your various locations. Let me explain.

My lady friend prefers going to Kroger. She's big on the fuel points promotion that you've got going on with Shell, although I'm mostly indifferent to that as I'm simply pleased to be paying under $3/gal for gas out here as opposed to the $4/gal in California. I'd consider myself an Ingles man at this point, although the lady does get majority voice in where we do the bulk of our foods stuff shopping.

The Kroger at 5201 N Broadway Street is top notch in regards to customer service and I must admit that I enjoy going there. Even the security guard says hi as we walk in, and the cashiers are quick and efficient in what they do. The one on Clinton Highway, though? I dislike the layout. I dislike how crowded it gets. And most of all, I dislike your attempt at customer service.

Last night, we did some simple shopping. A few produce items, some starchy foods, and a little bit of poultry. Overall, we had less than 20 items. Opting to avoid the 6+ person lines that were staffed with a cashier, we went to the self-check out. I am against the self-checkout, but the lady swears by it. The problem last night is that multiple checkout stations seemed to be requiring the assistance of a clerk.

Now, I recognize the man who was working the self checkout as having been there before, and I've never been impressed with him. Two out of three times I've used this self check-out feature, I've had to walk over to this very man and ask for help as he apparently didn't see that we needed an attendant. Not only could he not acknowledge us beyond a faint mumble, but he was completely flustered and lost in what he was attempting to do. This has happened twice, and this man should not be working this station.

After waiting about 8 minutes, some guy with glasses and a sweater vest toting that Kroger is "No 1 in Service" comes walking over with his hands in his pocket, and asks your clerk, "So... what can I do to help?" By now, one family that had waited even longer than us was so fed up that they abandoned their half-bagged groceries and half-full shopping cart due to this lack of service. These two employees of yours opted to just stand there and discuss these abandoned groceries instead of trying to take care of the now agitated crowd. Your self checkout seems buggy, and your employees here are questionable.

Seriously, we are swearing off this location. I hope that someone is able to address these issues. I challenge you guys to pull the security tapes from about 6pm yesterday to see what I'm talking about.

Thanks for your time.

Daniel

Dear Binaca

Dear Binaca,

I am writing you today to tell you that I've been thinking about your cool, crisp taste all day today. If I were to make a confession, it'd be that it's been over ten years since I've sprayed your refreshing mist into my mouth.

That's a bit too long, in my opinion.

The problem is I can't even remember when or where I was the last time I'd seen your branded breath fresheners. What I do recall is I had a babysitter that used to carry around a little bottle of this stuff, and I'd steal a spritz from her every so often as I loved the way it smelled and tasted.

This one time, my sister sprayed some Binaca into my eye, and it hurt like all hell.

I'm twenty-eight now, if that gives you any indication to scarcity of your product. I do not recall ever having bought this stuff on my own as a tax paying adult. Perhaps you can help me locate a reliable source for your fine product. That would be appreciated.

Thanks for making such a fine breath spray.

Daniel

Dear Crockett Sound Laboratory

Dear Crockett Sound Laboratory,

I am writing you today to share with you my thoughts about your business, and to explain why you will not be receiving any of mine beyond the content of this letter. I found your website, Wonderbarman.com, by way of a Google search while attempting to locate some information on an old, non-working Delco radio that my lady friend owns. At first, I was very interested to learn about what you had to offer in regards to repairs... but then I read your "Website!" about your "Business!" and found that I had wasted too much of my own, apparently less-valuable time...

Your method of selling your business pisses me off, and so I am exercising my right as a consumer to write this letter to you.

Initially, I found your approach amusing, but as I continued to read further I realized that you were indeed a serious, self-absorbed jerk. I'm sorry that emails and phone calls about what business services you provide cause too much of a hardship for you, and that you feel you must stop your work in order to review and then ignore these attempts at people trying to find a good repairman. My thought on this is that consumers prefer to call or email you as it's extremely taxing to shuffle through all the "BULL SHIT!" (I borrowed that from your website) that you have up on Wonderbarman.com.

Tony Mac Crutchfield, a word count of your website puts it at 12967 words, or 69291 characters. To put this in perspective for you, out of all of the books in the New Testament of the Bible, your website is larger in size to 21 out of 26 books of this Holy book. That's a bit too much content for a radio repairman, in my opinion, although maybe it's fitting... what, with your holier-than-thou approach and all.

I am also sorry that you feel the need to brag about the time you turned down a request to expedite a repair in exchange for a large cash tip from another male business owner, yet decided to capitalize when a woman offered you her time for expediting her own repair. I'm not sure why this is of important information to help me give you my business, but I am glad you mentioned it as it helped me decide to go elsewhere.

I know this will be of no consequence to you as you've stated many times that you have more business than "YO~SELF" can handle, but you've lost my business.

Thank you for your time, Tony Mac.

Daniel