Reply - The Crown & Goose

I know that I've been MIA this week, and didn't have too much time to write any letters (what with the Man keeping me down and all), but... I received a reply today.

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Click here to read my second original letter to The Crown & Goose from October 22, 2010.

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Their reply:



That is some bitchin' letterhead that The Crown & Goose is using. I love paper that looks to have a bit of texture to it, and such a regal looking logo. It's hard to tell in the scan, but check out the picture below... that is one badass goose. How could you not want to dine at a place that has this goose hanging above the entryway?

The envelope was hand addressed to me, no return address on the envelope... but postmarked from Tennessee. I thought this was an excellent reply back, considering I had a more than legit complaint about the service and food last time around.

They thank me, they reprimand themselves, and they beg for another chance... nearly a perfect penance.

My first letter was to praise them about the best pork chop I had ever eaten, and I begged that they share the recipe with me, although a reply never came. I didn't mind so much, but it's a good thing they took my second letter and complaint to heart. I'd be willing to give them another try, but will probably limit future visits to dinnertime only. This letter will go down as a success in my book.

This reply also puts this project at the 50% response rate. Not bad at any rate...

Dear Washington Officials Association

Dear Washington Officials Association,

I am writing you today to share my thoughts on this "Pink Whistle" controversy; this is primarily directed to WOA Commissioner Todd Stordahl. Yesterday evening, I read three separate news stories discussing the charitable act done by several of your high school football referees where they utilized pink whistles and donated this week's game checks to the Susan G. Komen Foundation in support of breast cancer research. Unfortunately, all of three stories went on to tell about how your association is intending to punish these same referees for this generous act by banning them for two games.

I'm wondering, Todd, how tall of a ladder do you require to get on your horse each morning?

While I have to recognize that you're enforcing rules that were set forth by your association, your justification for the punishment is flimsy at best, and your spirit is entirely lacking. Based on the statements that you made to the press about this issue, I find you to be a poor role model for the kids and the groups that you represent. This whole them's-the-rules attitude discourages innovation, risk taking and standing up for the greater good.

Be a man; be a leader.

I do hope that you can look at this situation from what seems to be a majority perspective and do what could be considered, through common sense, as right. My hat is off to your referees.

Respectfully,

Daniel



Pink Whistles: Is the Washington Officials Association Making the Right Call?
Referees face suspension for pink whistles.
Washington referees may face ban for charity pink whistles.

Reply - Blue Angels

I received a reply from the Blue Angels.

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Click here to read my original letter to the Blue Angels from October 4, 2010

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I was surprised when I came home to find a 13" X 18" envelope slipped behind my screen door. Checking the return address label, it said, "Department of the Navy; Commanding Officer"... and my first thought was, "Oh God, I'm being drafted..."



Turns out, it was just a reply from the Navy's Blue Angels. No letter came with the package, but I did get some awesome things back. There were two 11" x 14" frame-quality posters, one each of Fat Albert and the six F-18's.



I also received a sticker sheet, a fold-out brochure that lists and shows the picture of every person that is part of the enlisted roster (yearbook style), and then a spectacular glossy 54 page full-color booklet highlighting what the Blue Angels do, detailed bios on the pilots along with some amazing photos.

I wasn't expecting this much stuff. Sending out things like this can't be cheap... postage alone was $7.90. So, the downside is that it's my tax dollars that paid for this, but the upside is that I'll be hanging onto this stuff for a long time to come. What a neat reply...

Dear U. S. Geological Survey

Dear U. S. Geological Survey,

I am writing you today to ask your opinion on something. Within the past year, I've started to find myself becoming acutely paranoid about earthquake strikes. I was born and raised in Southern California so you think I'd be able to shrug this sort of thing off, but for whatever reason I find myself checking the USGS Southern California Fault Map on an almost constant basis... not that it's supposed to give me a heads-up or anything, but I like to think that maybe I'll spot a pattern or trend that I can use to my advantage.

San Diego, California is my home. While I can't recall ever having been hit with too major of an earthquake, I've got to say that the location of some of these fault lines have me a bit concerned. Please review the enclosed printout that I've sent with this letter.



Do you see this? Those squares of death are getting closer and closer to swallowing up my city. I remember back in April, I was at home drinking some traditional Easter beers on a Sunday when a rather big quake hit. At first, I thought it was a product of the buzz I had going on, but then I noticed my TV was about to fall over. I had to jump up and brace it while waiting for the shaking to die out. Actually, it was more of a rolling... like ocean waves.

Ever since then, I've felt on numerous occasions that we were experiencing an earthquake. Half the time, it's all in my head. I don't know why this happens. I think I'm experiencing psychological trauma.

What I'm wondering is... how are you guys and gals at predicting these things? Is there a time in the future when you think you'll be able to calculate when and where a quake will hit with any reliable bit of probability? How safe do you think San Diego is at the moment? And how much longer do you think I'll have to deal with these faux earthquakes that I think I experience?

Thank you for what your teams do. It's good work, and interesting to read.

Be safe,

Daniel

Dear The Crown & Goose

Dear The Crown & Goose,

I am writing you today to share with you a complaint about my last visit to your fine dining establishment. You may recall that I previously wrote you a letter about the best pork chop I had ever eaten. As much as I hate to say it, this letter is about the worst ham and cheese sandwich that I couldn't even bring myself to sample.

This past weekend, I found myself back in Tennessee for a short visit. Typically, I'm a fan of finding somewhere new to eat during trips like this as variety is the spice of life, but your venue popped into my head. My girlfriend and I decided to stop in and give your lunch menu a whirl.

The both of us ordered a salad/sandwich combo, which took a good half hour to get out our way. There's a lot to be said about the poor performance of your server on this day... neither of us caught his name, but he had a very difficult time managing what few tables he was working with.

My sandwich, the Croque-Monsieur, sounded amazingly delicious... but as soon as I cut into it, uncooked egg white leaked out in clear globs all over the plate. And I'm not talking about just a little bit, but it was as if someone cracked the egg directly into the sandwich and then sent it out that way. I'm not a chef, but I'm pretty sure that's not how a Croque-Monsieur is prepared.

So, I ate my salad. It was nothing spectacular, but I had already decided that I wasn't going to bother with trying to get the sandwich done correctly... I was going to tell the server about it and ask for it to be removed from the bill. These things happen. And so, the two of us finished up lunch, and we waited. And waited. After about 20 minutes of not seeing our server as both of us were finished eating, my lady friend got fed up with waiting and had to track him down.

I complained. I showed him the sandwich, and he agreed that the egg was indeed uncooked. When I asked that it be removed from the bill, he told us to not worry about the bill because we had to wait for so long, so that was one redeeming thing... but still. C'mon, Crown & Goose... C'mon. How can I have a completely 180 degree experience at a place that prepares food as fine as your whiskey and coffee brined pork chop? I'm torn on if I want to go back now... these two separate and extremely unequal experiences kind of fuse together to make your restaurant mediocre in my mind. Meh.

I do hope that if I return, I can find another menu item that is as good as the pork chops, but I'm not sure if that'll happen at this point. Anyhow, thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Daniel

Reply - Butterball

I received a second reply today from Butterball.

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Click here for the original letter to Butterball from September 8, 2010.
Click here for the first reply from Butterball.

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If you scroll down to the comments of the reply, you see that Linda from Butterball found my post and left a comment there. I went ahead and responded to her via email, which went a little something like this:

Hi Linda,

Thank you very much for your positive response to my post.

I'm intrigued that you found my blog, but I suppose it's all part of the experiment. Mind if I ask how my post made its way back to you? If you prefer not to answer, no worries at all.

It's okay about the mis-read of the letter. At first I was jazzed thinking I'd get to test out my little George Foreman experiment using turkey, but then I saw what the roast actually is... and I thought it'd be a bit hard to try and toss that thing on a little 8" x 8" grill.

I'd happily accept your coupon for a Butterball turkey. While I'm a bit intimidated to try and tackle the preparation of an entire turkey on my own (I've tried before, and it has never gone well), my girlfriend is offering up her services in the preparation and cooking of the bird. She's cunning in the kitchen...

Thanks again for the follow-up. It's a sign of great customer service, and absolutely appreciated. :)

Daniel

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Glad to hear back from you!

I try to follow any Butterball mentions in social media via Google Alerts – which is how I found your post.

I’ll get a coupon off to you next week – let me know how it goes. (We’ve got step by step instructions on our website, including some videos, if you or your girlfriend get stuck.)

Linda

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The reply from Linda:



Butterball came through in the end, definitely. Thanks to Linda for sending out a $15 coupon for me to use on whole Butterball turkey... I'll be taking advantage of that, no question. Top notch customer service, right there. That's what I like. That, and Butterball turkey.

Reply - Mormons

I received a reply today from the Mormons.

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Click here to read my original letter to the Mormons from October 11, 2010, where I gave them a copy of a photo I had taken of their San Diego Temple and asked about tours for the general public.

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The reply:



First off, that is awesome... the Mormons want to use my photo for their Christmas card?

Daniel, the photographer for the Mormon Christmas card.

I half expected that it would've been tossed in the trash, especially because my letter to them was laced with what could be taken as subtle sarcasm. Second, I feel like a bit of a jerk now being that I mentioned Big Love. Third, I didn't put too much thought in this, but... I never considered that Mormons took to celebrating Christmas. I suppose it only makes sense, being that they believe in the Jesus.

I've known a handful of Mormons in a friend capacity. While I've taken some time to sit and question them and discuss their faith (including a few missionaries that have perhaps caught me off-guard), a few things that always stands out is their ability to socialize, their ability to smile and make light of most anything, and their ability to make me feel unexplainably uncomfortable in my own skin.

I'm not trying to bash Mormonism. I was raised in a non-denominational Christian congregation which I've long since separated from, come from a Catholic family, and my closest friend from San Diego is a practicing Muslim. I've been taught and practice a lot of tolerance, even though I define myself as Agnostic, borderline Atheist.

I paused several times before I sent out the original letter, honestly done in the spirit of fun... and here I get this genuine response back from Bruce Olsen, the President of the San Diego Temple. AND he has offered to personally give me a tour of the place, which is entirely unheard of for a Mormon Temple.

So now I'm faced with... do I call him? Or do I let it be?

I want to call because he gave me the time of day by writing a sincere letter back to me, is giving me the honor of using my photo for their Christmas card, and he is willing to give me a tour of what I think is considered a very sacred place for his people... and I want to see what it looks like on the inside.

I don't want to call because I don't want to have anyone try to convince me that Mormonism is the way to go, I don't want to have people in bicycle helmets knocking down my door every week, and I don't want to have it turn into a debate on Mormonism vs Agnosticism.

I'm torn. What would you do?

Reply - Ready Pac Produce

I received this reply on Friday... but I didn't get a chance to sit down at a computer for more than 2 minutes up until today. It's kind of nice, these breaks from technology.

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Click here to read my original letter to Ready Pac Produce from September 21, 2010.

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The reply... well, there wasn't actually a returned letter to scan in. What I got was a brochure titled "Consumer Information", a 3-page packet that states their Product Ingredient Listing, and a manufacturer's coupon for one free Ready Pac Fresh-Cut Produce Item valued up to $4.99. All this was sort of stuffed into an envelope, but I don't mind as the coupon more than covers the cost of my fruit salad that I had to toss.

So, just because, I'm going to put up the FAQ's from the consumer info guide... it talks a lot about the "technology" that goes into processing these things. This intrigues me.



I'd say it was a decent reply, although an actual letter would've still been appreciated. Still, thanks to Ready Pac.

Reply - Flying Hills Elementary School

I received a reply...

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Click here to read my original letter to Flying Hills Elementary School from September 14, 2010.

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The reply:



This one came as a bit of a surprise to me... I figured that this would've been crumpled into a ball and tossed in the trash bin.

My letter was forwarded onto their Child Nutrition Services department for the Cajon Valley School District, and lo... the square pizza of my youth has been revealed as Red Barron brand frozen pizza. I never would've seen that one coming.

Interestingly enough, I enjoy Red Barron pizza very much... and most recently, I've taken to buying their frozen flatbread branded pizzas sold under the name of Freschetta. I eat about one a month.

I'd say this was one awesome response...

Dear Skulls Unlimited

Dear Skulls Unlimited,

I am writing you today to offer up a potential business proposition. Let me preface this by saying that I found your business by way of a Google search after a conversation with my lady friend on if anyone would be able to obtain a human skull, sans the murder process... which neither of us condone or participate in. Your website is extremely educational and intriguing, and I made note of the offer on your website to buy up peoples skulls.

Well let me tell you... I happen to have a skull for sale.

I'm not quite ready to part with it just yet, but being that your business seems to have secured a very unique niche I see it being possible that you will be around for some time to come. With that said, I'm wondering if you ever participate in pre-death arrangements for individuals. For example, if I were to make a notation in my will on direction for disposal of my body, would you be willing to entertain my final wishes?

What I'm considering as an offer to you is the better part of my skeleton, minus at least one limb, perhaps a leg. I'd want this portion to be returned to my family and loved ones so as to allow for there to be something that can be cremated... I wouldn't want to deprive them of the ritual of scattering my ashes. I'd like some to be chucked off the side of State Route 1 in California, probably near Big Sur... and some to be tossed in a campfire.

As it stands, I have a very sturdy skeleton. I'm 6'2", 28 years of age, Caucasian (Irish-American descent), have never broken a bone, and I have a full set of straight teeth with no cavities and no fillings. I have no doubt that my skull wouldn't be anything short of spectacular come death, provided I don't perish due to head trauma injury. For the same selfless reasons, I am also an organ donor so the hospital would have first dibs on my insides... but after that, I'd have no problems with them turning my body over to your team of professionals.

All I'd ask is that I could name a financial beneficiary of my choice to be paid a fair market value for my useful parts once you've completed the appraisal process. I believe its good work that you do, and would like to know that the majority of my parts were used for scientific and educational purposes.

Thanks again for the services that you provide, we were very enlightened to find it.

Write back soon!

Daniel

www.skullsunlimited.com

Dear Office Depot

Dear Office Depot,

I am writing you today to share about my latest trip to your downtown San Diego Office Depot store, #934 I believe. I regret not hanging onto the receipt from this transaction, but perhaps you can look it up in your point of sale system as I paid by way of my Visa card.

All I was buying this go around was an 80 sheet wide ruled 1-subject notebook, black in color. When I was waiting in line to be assisted by the cashier, I spotted two other employees that were wandering around behind the counters, cleaning or tending to some other tasks that didn't seem to be customer oriented. This didn't resonate with me until after I had left your store, mildly annoyed.

I was called forward after two minutes to have my transaction rung up. She scanned in the notebook and told me it'd be $2.82, which is when I swiped my Visa check card on the electronic signature pad. It prompted me for my PIN, and so I hit cancel as is often the case if one wishes to process the transaction as a credit. I said to the cashier that I wished to complete the transaction as a credit, so she told me to swipe my card again. I did, and it prompted me for my PIN... I told this to the cashier. The cashier leaned over the counter and looked at the signature pad... and she just kind of stared at it for a few seconds.

She declared, "You have to put in your PIN number."

I responded, "No, I shouldn't have to. You should be able to run this through as credit."

"We can't do that, it has to have your PIN."

So I asked, "Are you going to pay for the ATM fee my bank charges?"

Mind you, this was a very calm exchange, nothing heated about it... but you think a business supply store would have its financial processes down a bit better. One of the other employees had to come over and finalize the transaction, closed out as a Visa charge against my check card, no PIN required. C'mon, Office Depot...

Maybe I'm making a big deal out of a small issue, but I did want to bring it to your attention.

Sincerely,

Daniel

Dear Mormons

Dear Mormons,

I am writing you today to share with you a photo that I took of your beautiful temple located in San Diego, California. Your building is truly a magnificent work of art, and I am amazed every time I drive past it. While I am not and likely will never become a Mormon, I still felt it appropriate to share with you this photograph as a gesture of tolerance and respect for my fellow, God-fearing Americans.

Please, feel free to use this image in its unaltered state for your own marketing purposes, if you so desire. I'm offering this free of charge, provided that it is never used in order to directly generate revenue... such as printing it on your Mormon post cards, or used on your Mormon T-shirts that you sell in your Mormon gift shops.

The photo was taken by me using my Canon PowerShot A620 and a Pedco UltraClamp Camera Mount on or around April 14th, 2010 from the side of a very busy southbound Interstate 5. You can find a high resolution digital copy online here for download: http://imgur.com/D60cC.jpg

I'm curious; would it be possible to take a tour of the inside of your gorgeous facility? I tried looking online for some photos, but haven't been able to find too many. Even if you had a brochure, that would be appreciated. I once approached the building and was met by a man who very kindly told me that I was not allowed to be there because I wasn't Mormon, although I find this to be such a waste of whatever interior architecture you've got going on in there. I told him that I'd seen the whole first season of Big Love, but he told me that I'm still not allowed to enter.

Anyway, I hope you like the picture I took. Let me know what you think of it, and if you do end up using it.

Warm Regards,

Daniel

PS - Please don't send anyone to my house. I won't answer the door, unless you'd be willing to let me in your Temple. I think it's only fair that way.

Dear Super 8 Motel

Dear Super 8 Motel,

I am writing you today to return a card key that I must have mistakenly taken with me after a nights say at your fine sleeping establishment located at 2 Gateway Dr, Collinsville, IL. I am profusely sorry for having done this. Please accept the return of this card and my most humble apologies.

The card had lost its way between a stack of papers that I filed away for the past couple years and only pulled out for review this afternoon. When it fell out, I was trying to remember what I was doing in Collinsville, or even where it was located... but a quick look at a map reminded me all about the trip.

It was the first time I saw the Gateway Arch, which is by far the greatest US monument I've ever been able to experience. I was on this trip alone, but still bought a ticket to go all the way to the top of the Arch by myself, where I ended up hanging out for about a half-hour just so I could feel the entire structure swaying back and forth in the wind. It was amazing.

What I remember most about your motel in particular is the conversation I struck up with another visitor at the front desk. At check-in, when I stated my zip code of 92071, an old man in the lobby chimed in, "Oh, you're one of those Hollywood movie stars, aren't you?" I had to explain to him that 92071 is slightly different from 90210, but that yes, I may have been on the TV a handful of times and on DVD as part of a History channel documentary.

I soak it up where I can.

I also remember that I had my very own Lay-Z-Boy in my room! That was amazing... you don't get to experience such comfort in your run of the mill Super 8's out there.

Last, but not least, I think the manager of this particular location hand wrote me a thank you note for staying at their motel. For the life of me, I can't find this note, but if this location does do that on occasion for its single night stay guests, I think that is an awesome touch.

The next time I'm back to visit St Louis, I will make a point of staying at your establishment in Collinsville again.

Respectfully,

Daniel

Dear Coca Cola

Dear Coca Cola,

I am writing you today to inquire about your various 2 liter bottled soda products. While I don't go through all too much of your soft drink, I do still hunt around for the best deals and always find that the 2 liter bottles of soda are the best bang for buck. Plain old Coke flavor is my personal favorite... Pepsi can't hold a flame to your refreshing taste.

That said, there's one thing I was wondering about; is there a recommended method that you support to help retain the carbonation in your sodas for a full seven days? Maybe a screw-top device that one can use, or a method of storing that helps promote CO2 retention?

On a typical day, I drink one glass of Coke, well iced, always after I return home from work. Out of a 2 liter bottle, I can get about 8 glasses. I'd say that I burn through this about once a week. What I run into is that the carbonation is entirely lacking by around the 5 day mark, leaving me without any fizz for the last couple glasses of every 2 liter bottle that I drink.

It makes what should be an enjoyable drinking experience slightly dull. While I could probably fix this by switching to cans or buying the 1 liter bottles, I find it to not be cost effective as I rarely drink a full 12 ounces in one sitting, and the 1 liter bottles are a straight up rip off... although I respect your cunning attempt at turning a profit. Very sly.

Thanks again for making such a fine tasting product. You do good things for taste-buds around the world.

Your friend,

Daniel

Dear Bubble Wrap

Dear Bubble Wrap,

I am writing you today to thank you for making such a fine, cushiony product. While I've never been known to buy bubble wrap with just the intent and purpose of popping the little air bubbles, I have to say that this satisfying little orgasmic POP! is the best part of your product. Not only does it protect whatever goods I'm shipping or receiving, but it provides a bit of joy to my life that otherwise would not exist.

Whenever someone sends a box to my office, the mail ladies at my employer like to stand around and wait for me to open it in their presence, so as to allow for them to make an attempt to repossess the bubble wrap cushioning. I don't like them doing this, so whenever possible, I'll purposefully hang onto my shipments until after they've given up and left. They like to horde the bubble wrap, but little do they know, I keep an entire drawer full of your product.

Sometimes, I can use my personal stash of bubble wrap to help me barter for mail room supplies, like tape or some of those padded envelopes. But I won't lie... most of the wrap I stuff into my desk drawers ends up getting squeezed and popped after the particularly frustrating morning meetings that my boss has every freakin' day. I can't stand that woman, always with the non-productive "building business relationship" meetings.

I'm curious, how much bubble wrap does your company produce? What are some failed bubble wrap products that never made it to the retail sales floor? And how are your workers able to withstand popping the outgoing product? I'd totally have to get a squeeze in every few feet or so. This stuff is like crack... I love it. The bubble wrap; not the crack. I'm not sure if I could ever work for your company... I'd get fired, for sure.

Thanks again for a brilliant contribution to the world of shipping.

Kind regards,

Daniel

Reply - Butterball

I received a reply today.

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Click to read my original letter to Butterball from September 8, 2010.

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The reply:


Butterball... I hate to say it, but you kind of failed on this one.

I did not contact them about their Butterball Turkey Breast Roast, as they said I did. In fact, I contacted them about their "Fresh Turkey Breast cuts", and went into at length about how I prefer to personally marinade fresh poultry and then grill it on my single-serving George Foreman grill.



Looking up what their roasts are, I think I'd have a difficult time trying to marinade and cook up this thing on my little George Foreman. That... is a three pound log of turkey.



Now that's more like it... let's look it up and see where it's available...


Damn you, Butterball...

Dear Disneyland

Dear Disneyland,

I am writing you today to follow-up on a report of an item that I may have lost on one of your rides. I'm pretty sure it was lost on Space Mountain, although it could've happened on Splash Mountain. What I lost was my light blue translucent Motorola pager. I do not have a record of this report, but I did inform a staff member about it prior to leaving the park in the City Hall area. I also cannot remember her name.

I'm not sure how long you keep record of these things, but I lost it sometime during the spring of 1995. Probably in May or June. I remember this because it was the time when I saw a kid get knocked down by two of your employees pushing a churro cart towards Tomorrowland. Maybe this can help aid in your search, being that this event occurred on the same day.

I will say, I'm willing to cut my losses on this one, but wanted to take this time to at least make an attempt at follow-up. I left my home phone number on record, although that was a few phone numbers ago so any attempts to contact me might have gotten your team nowhere.

Also, I love the smell from the ride Pirates of the Caribbean. How is your team able to achieve this scent? I'd be interested in reproducing it for a Halloween party I might be throwing in the near future here.

Thank you for your attention to this matter, and for the fine amusement park your team has put together. It is greatly appreciated.

Your Friend,

Daniel

Dear Blue Angels

Dear Blue Angels,

I am writing you today to say thanks for putting on a great show at MCAS Miramar in San Diego, CA this past weekend. While I opted to not go on base for the show (traffic was insane), I was able to make it close enough on Saturday and Sunday to get a very personal view of your brilliant flight demonstration.

My father and I used to come out to your shows each year, way back when it was a Navy base. Sometimes the Thunderbirds would fly on certain years, but it was always the Blue Angels that I was after. I can remember spending the better majority of the show as a 6 year old with my fingers in ears, always looking over shoulder with distrust while waiting for the sneak pass to hit... the anticipation was almost too much for me to handle.

There's a good chance I'll probably end up moving towards the east coast by year end, and was hoping to find a new air show that I could get into the habit of checking out each year. I'm wondering, are you able to recommend some solid air show locations that put on a show comparable to the one they do at MCAS Miramar each year? I've got a lady and her nearly 5 year old son that I'd like to take, as he's never been to see a show of this magnitude. Any info would be great.

From a long time fan, thanks again for all the hard work. It's a fine thing that you do.

Sincerely,

Daniel

Reply - Target

I received a reply today.

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My original letter to Target from September 16, 2010.

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The reply:


I'd say that's a good reply... I didn't suspect they'd be able to do too much about it, but so long as they pass the info along to their purchasing team so as to help me remedy my premature shin balding problem, that's good enough for me.