I am writing you today because I'd like to tell you about the worst can opener I've ever owned. A year ago, I relocated into a new studio in San Diego and needed to replace some of my kitchen items that had gone missing after the move was wrapped up. The first and most important item that was needing replacing was my hand-operated can opener, circa 1975. What happened is that I threw the old one away as it was rusted looking, and was the last remnant hand-me-down from Grandma that required about 50 lbs of torque force to get the crank to turn.
I made plans to swing by Bed Bath & Beyond my first night of living in my studio so as to scoop up a handful of household items to get me through my first week. On the wall located just to my right as I entered your Mission Valley store was a hoard of no-name brand gadgets and gizmos that I shoveled into my cart at breakneck speed. Little scrubby do-dads and whizzy-wigs.
This can opener was plain. It had a black plastic handle grip, and a stainless steel mechanism construction with a solid looking handle. It spun freely and cleanly, and believe me... I ate the best can of Spaghetti-O's that night, thanks to this can opener.
Unfortunately, it lasted me maybe only 35 cans. I'm not quite sure where it went wrong, but I couldn't get it to line up to where it'd solidly grip the lip of whatever can I was opening. It would spin the can around, but the blade would only pierce the lid for a half-inch before dislodging. I've dealt with this over the past year for two reasons; 1. I'm stubborn and 2. I lost the receipt.
Last night was the last straw. I flipped a can of tuna as I was trying to manipulate the can opener to get to the goods. Tuna juice (which is probably the worst kind of juice) went everywhere. In a studio, it's hard to get some quality aeration going on, and so I woke up to the smell of tuna this morning.
I'm not sure what sort of QA goes on at Bed Bath & Beyond, but it seems that man should have perfected the can opener by this day and age. Just saying. Anyhow, I appreciate your attention to this matter.
Be well,
Daniel
The "Beyond" section
ReplyDeleteOk this one is great, too. I've been having my own can opener issues, as the one I got as a wedding gift is a huge piece of shit. It's automatic and has taken to dropping the cans on the counter when it's done opening the can, rather than holding it in place with the magnet, as it's supposed to. There was an incident with a can of garbanzo beans that pushed me over the edge. Hope you're having more luck, now. :-)
ReplyDeleteI agree that tuna juice is the absolute worst thing to splatter. And those are two words that just do not seem to belong together.
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