Dear Bubble Wrap

Dear Bubble Wrap,

I am writing you today to thank you for making such a fine, cushiony product. While I've never been known to buy bubble wrap with just the intent and purpose of popping the little air bubbles, I have to say that this satisfying little orgasmic POP! is the best part of your product. Not only does it protect whatever goods I'm shipping or receiving, but it provides a bit of joy to my life that otherwise would not exist.

Whenever someone sends a box to my office, the mail ladies at my employer like to stand around and wait for me to open it in their presence, so as to allow for them to make an attempt to repossess the bubble wrap cushioning. I don't like them doing this, so whenever possible, I'll purposefully hang onto my shipments until after they've given up and left. They like to horde the bubble wrap, but little do they know, I keep an entire drawer full of your product.

Sometimes, I can use my personal stash of bubble wrap to help me barter for mail room supplies, like tape or some of those padded envelopes. But I won't lie... most of the wrap I stuff into my desk drawers ends up getting squeezed and popped after the particularly frustrating morning meetings that my boss has every freakin' day. I can't stand that woman, always with the non-productive "building business relationship" meetings.

I'm curious, how much bubble wrap does your company produce? What are some failed bubble wrap products that never made it to the retail sales floor? And how are your workers able to withstand popping the outgoing product? I'd totally have to get a squeeze in every few feet or so. This stuff is like crack... I love it. The bubble wrap; not the crack. I'm not sure if I could ever work for your company... I'd get fired, for sure.

Thanks again for a brilliant contribution to the world of shipping.

Kind regards,

Daniel