I am writing you today to offer up a potential business proposition. Let me preface this by saying that I found your business by way of a Google search after a conversation with my lady friend on if anyone would be able to obtain a human skull, sans the murder process... which neither of us condone or participate in. Your website is extremely educational and intriguing, and I made note of the offer on your website to buy up peoples skulls.
Well let me tell you... I happen to have a skull for sale.
I'm not quite ready to part with it just yet, but being that your business seems to have secured a very unique niche I see it being possible that you will be around for some time to come. With that said, I'm wondering if you ever participate in pre-death arrangements for individuals. For example, if I were to make a notation in my will on direction for disposal of my body, would you be willing to entertain my final wishes?
What I'm considering as an offer to you is the better part of my skeleton, minus at least one limb, perhaps a leg. I'd want this portion to be returned to my family and loved ones so as to allow for there to be something that can be cremated... I wouldn't want to deprive them of the ritual of scattering my ashes. I'd like some to be chucked off the side of State Route 1 in California, probably near Big Sur... and some to be tossed in a campfire.
As it stands, I have a very sturdy skeleton. I'm 6'2", 28 years of age, Caucasian (Irish-American descent), have never broken a bone, and I have a full set of straight teeth with no cavities and no fillings. I have no doubt that my skull wouldn't be anything short of spectacular come death, provided I don't perish due to head trauma injury. For the same selfless reasons, I am also an organ donor so the hospital would have first dibs on my insides... but after that, I'd have no problems with them turning my body over to your team of professionals.
All I'd ask is that I could name a financial beneficiary of my choice to be paid a fair market value for my useful parts once you've completed the appraisal process. I believe its good work that you do, and would like to know that the majority of my parts were used for scientific and educational purposes.
Thanks again for the services that you provide, we were very enlightened to find it.
Write back soon!
Daniel
Only one limb and no organs? That's not much to work with, Daniel.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I want one of their Allosaurus skulls. Full size. I'd like to possibly pull a Home Alone type maneuver to scare the crap outta the neighbor kids.
...I mean burglars.
No. I mean kids.
Hahaha! I want to see the response to THIS one! Hope the send one!
ReplyDelete"I found your business by way of a Google search after a conversation with my lady friend on if anyone would be able to obtain a human skull, sans the murder process..."
ReplyDeleteLove it!
Dear Daniel,
ReplyDeleteI hate to nitpick, but isn't having one's ashes thrown into a fire redundant? I understand wanting to have the last word and all, but watch out for that hubris/karma stuff.
With concern,
Erin O'Brien
Sounds like a good quality skeleton for a good value. Let me know if they aren't interested...I'll have to jump on this deal!
ReplyDelete